I Don’t Know

The one thing I hate most in my life is juggling around the question of Dreams Vs. Responsibility. This literally gives me headache and forces me to think think and think.

I feel burying my head beneath the pillow, and just make sure that I am out of touch with any kind of thought and notion.

It sometimes becomes my nightmare and doesn’t allow me to enjoy sound slumber even. It usually happens to me when I am alone negatively, and have nothing much to do. It usually happens to me when things are not right at my side and the thoughts of an uncertain future logs-in my brain like a virus to diffuse my normal thinking march.

The common questions troubling me are – I don’t know what I am doing? I don’t know why I am doing, what I am doing? And Do I really feel pity for what I am doing…???

I don’t know what I am supposed to do, however I don’t want to do what I am doing presently. This seems to be a case of frustration nevertheless it does not look anything less than the guilt feeling I have, and I don’t know why?

When I look my future, I don’t see anything. I don’t see a certainty, I don’t see a pride, I don’t see a love, I don’t see a necessity, I don’t see a respect for myself and I really don’t see any plans.

I don’t see why I have come, if I have to go back without doing anything. Even if I do something, what will happen?

I don’t know and I really don’t know.

And even if I know what can I do?

Sometimes this world seems to be the micro part of the universe, and we are the micro micro and nano micro organism. I will live for 70 years maximum and I will go, and I will never come back. Nobody comes back… nooobody…it’s all myth….!!!

Shivendra Singh
11 July 2009 (Mid-Night)